I choose to start this movie...now #doodykoff
From hackysack to flick knives in the first minute. Oh fucking dear #doodykoff
Flatmate: fuck you, movie. Me: It hasn't done anything yet. Flatmate: It called itself American Ninja. #doodykoff
American Ninja involves slightly more army guys than you'd expect from the name #doodykoff
It also involves just about as much bad eighties hair as you'd expect #doodykoff
Wow. Bad guys in this film are really bad at shooting things at point blank range #doodykoff
Or, you know, shooting anything #doodykoff
Flatmate: There's a fucking ninja! (I'm not actually sure why this surprises him) #doodykoff
Four! Four ninjas! #doodykoff
Lots of fucking ninjas #doodykoff
You can tell they're ninjas, 'cause of the black pajamas and lining up in a row #doodykoff
Number of times the American Ninja has dived to the ground for no apparent reason: 2 #doodykoff
Okay, we're only ten minutes in, and I still feel confident asking this: How did this shit get 4 sequels? #doodykoff
You know, I'll give this movie bonus points if it goes through the entire thing letting Michael Dudikoff emote without speaking #doodykoff
Ah, crap, he spoke. #doodykoff
You know, I kinda hate whoever wrote this for the portrayal of the female lead #doodykoff
Flatmate: Of course, who else would be behind ninjas but the French? #doodykoff
Holy shit, Reagan! #doodykoff
So I'm not sure I'm following this. The army guy fought back against the attackers, and now he's court-martialed? #doodykoff
So...many...beards...#doodykoff
People seemed to really like this film when I was thirteen. Once again I'm reminded that kids will watch any old shit #doodykoff
OMG, they colour code their ninjas at the evil ninja training camp. #doodykoff
You gotta feel slightly ripped off if you're relegated to team Orange Ninja #doodykoff
We train our recruits by KILLING THEM. EVIL ORANGE NINJAS BE HARDCORE #doodykoff
We pride ourselves on teamwork on this base. Flatmate: We surrender in unison #doodykoff
Don't push it. Oh, Dudikoff, you get all the stellar dialogue #doodykoff
Random bike stunts. So 80s #doodykoff
Oh Dudikoff, you charm all the ladies with your American Ninja ways. #doodykoff
The attempt at a romantic subplot just cracked me up so bad I'm afraid I damaged a rib #doodykoff
We had it wrong. It's the Spanish who are behind the secret ninja training school, not the French #doodykoff
Wow, so there's some massively inconsistent writing when it comes to Patricia Hickock #doodykoff
Dudikoff! You must be pusished! Go...do the job you were hired to do by the army #doodykoff
OMG, Ninja Ambush! #doodykoff
Number of times Michael Dudikoff randomly dives for no apparent reason: 3 #doodykoff
Black Ninjas aren't getting the job done. They should send in TEAM ORANGE NINJA #doodykoff
American Ninja - proving that action sequences are way better when they happen off-camera #doodykoff
Wow, this dock is so conveniently laid out for motorcycle stunts. It's eerie #doodykoff
I promised my flatmate there'd be at least 2 and a half minutes of entertainment in this film. I've now had 6 minutes, at least #doodykoff
Oh god, the beards...the BEARDS #doodykoff
Oh god, mysterious cryptic bullshit from the disappearing Asian mentor. #doodykoff
Debating whether American Ninja just put all the bad action movie tropes in a blender and called it a plot, or if it's the source #doodykoff
NINJAS FIGHTING ON A TANK. What more need a movie offer the world? #doodykoff
Only in this film is the phrase "Ninjas were sent to kill me in my cell" the kind of thing that makes sense #doodykoff
If I mean anything to you at all... Flatemate: YOU HAD ONE DATE! TWO, IF YOU COUNT BEING CHASED BY NINJAS #doodykoff
Worst. MPs. Ever. #doodykoff
Number of times Michael Dudikoff has randomly dived to the ground: 4 #doodykoff
Worlds most explosive gold cart #doodykoff
Me: Oh no, Ninjas. Flatmate: Imagine that #doodykoff
Flatmate: if you're going to wear a ninja mask to conceal your identity, it really should cover your distinctive facial tattoo #doodykoff
Oh god, flashbacks. #doodykoff
No. Did they just say ninja magic? Really? Ninja magic? #doodykoff
SO MUCH JOY #doodykoff
I think I kinda adore this film. It's so unashamed in its badness #doodykoff
We need a plot twist for the final fifteen minutes. Yo, NINJA MAGIC! #doodykoff
I keep thinking ninja magic is like ice magic - a chocolate coating you put on your ninja #doodykoff
You'd think, after over an hour of film where no-one has hit when they fired a gun, the bad guys would pick up the hint #doodykoff
*eyes wide* so many ninja #doodykoff
Oh henchmen, I feel your pain. You want your boss to leave the scene of the big ninja jamboree, and he just won't listen #doodykoff
And now, magically, the army shows up to shoot some people for no apparent reason #doodykoff
See, evil weapons dealer, your henchman was right. Never hang around for the ninja jamboree. It just gets you shot #doodykoff
Pesky evil ninja - why are you still using smoke pellets. Don't you know real ninja just use NINJA MAGIC #doodykoff
SECRET NINJA LASER! #doodykoff
Seriously, there's so much fucking nonsense in the final twenty minutes of this film, I can't help but like it #doodykoff
We've hit the portion of the game where the GM doesn't care & he's letting the players pull off any old shit to end the game #doodykoff
Me: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I really enjoyed this. Flatmate: The sand thing is, me too #doodykoff
The first half of American Ninja is just a dodgy martial arts film, but halfway through it gets batshit insane and fun #doodykoff
I'm going to spend the rest of the week muttering "Ninjas with fricken' laser beams." #doodykoff