DOA: Dead or Alive. This promises to be...very, very bad. And I choose to start the movie...now #MagicSunglasses
Expository argument is expository #MagicSunglasses
Also, for a secret ninja clan who live in a secret mountain lair, they've got a lot of purple hair die. #MagicSunglasses
Ninja is shorthand for "people who have nothing better to do than stand in orderly ranks in the courtyard" #MagicSunglasses
Wow, good thing they knew Devon Aoki was going to choose *that exact moment* to leap off a mountain to deliver her invite #MagicSunglasses
This movie has pirates and ninjas in the space of five minutes. How can you hate it? #MagicSunglasses
Also, Jaime Pressley's Tina Armstrong is the best damn thing in this film. #MagicSunglasses
Robin Shou is criminally underused as the pirate leader #MagicSunglasses
You'd think invitations sent by ninja star would be rude or something #MagicSunglasses
Just watched a naked Holly Valance beat up Hong Kong cops while simultaneously putting on underwear #MagicSunglasses
DOA is not shy about the kind of film it is: it's terrible, it's going to pander, and it has no regard for petty "realism" #MagicSunglasses
KEVIN NASH! #MagicSunglasses
Bonus points for hiring a terrible pro-wrestler to play the part of a terrible pro-wrestler #MagicSunglasses
Wait, there's a meaningless time limit on getting to the doorway? I smell an utterly superfluous team bonding set-piece! #MagicSunglasses
If we're going to make it, we need to work together #MagicSunglasses
It's not that this movie is cheesy. It's that it's cheesy with a side of cheese, with some extra cheese on top #MagicSunglasses
Flatmate: It's a narratively sound decision. #MagicSunglasses
Flatmate: This movie really is ridiculously full of hot chicks. #MagicSunglasses
Doctor Victor Donovan appears. I keep expecting him to break out into Hurdy Gurdy Man #MagicSunglasses
Random scenes of people doing kata. Do you think they've remembered this is a fighting film? #MagicSunglasses
Poor anime-haired dude. You'd think you'd do better in this kind of film. #MagicSunglasses
Flatmate: I love that people don't just win their fights - they win and then POSE. Except for Hayabusa. #MagicSunglasses
Hey, look, an utterly pointless flashback scene. #MagicSunglasses
It's a little known fact that random ninja dudes can out-run a swarm of thrown needles. #MagicSunglasses
Man, this ninja clan has a serious thing for purple. Flowers. Uniforms. Hair. Dialogue. They can't get enough #MagicSunglasses
Jesus, another bathing scene? This film is all about the male gaze and shit #MagicSunglasses
You know, if this film took itself at all seriously, it would be unwatchable #MagicSunglasses
It amuses me that the pro-wrestlers use actual pro-wrestling moves. #MagicSunglasses
Although a dropkick is a terrible finisher in this day and age #MagicSunglasses
DOA: adapting the fighting game and the beach volleyball follow-up #MagicSunglasses
Flatmate: Saying this film is all about the male gaze really isn't much insight given there's a beach volleyball sequence #MagicSunglasses
And now, for no apparent reason, we'll have a fight in a bamboo forest #MagicSunglasses
It's all very Crouching Tiger, Skimpy Bikini #MagicSunglasses
Jaime Pressley: the sole woman in this movie who gets hit on, and chooses to stay single #MagicSunglasses
Also, the sole woman allowed to fight wearing, like, clothes. #MagicSunglasses
I'm just saying: I'd totally watch a Tina Armstrong sequel that was all about Jaime Presley and Kevin Nash kicking ass #MagicSunglasses
We call that the shotgun kick. You can tell, 'cause it makes a sound like an actual shotgun #MagicSunglasses
Lines one should never put in your script: "Our nanobots were working overtime on that fight." #MagicSunglasses
Why are they choosing to fight in the rain, wearing bikini's, with bits of t-shirt tied around their fists? #MagicSunglasses
Flatmate: ITS A DOA MOVIE. THAT'S WHY THEY FIGHT IN THE RAIN IN BIKINIS. LOOK AT THE SOURCE MATERIAL #MagicSunglasses
Now all the bikini shots have been deployed, we give up on fight scenes and get on with plot #MagicSunglasses
Hey look, a trap. We should walk into it like a bunch of suckers #MagicSunglasses
You know, people are really careful not to actually cut each other in this 25 person sword fight #MagicSunglasses
And so, the evil plot is revealed. Donovan has...#MagicSunglasses
With these glasses, he will be unstoppable #MagicSunglasses
Best. Worst. Evil. Plan. EVAR. #MagicSunglasses
These magic sunglasses make Eric Roberts invincible. Unless, like, you have a gun. #MagicSunglasses
Or you aren't, like, one of the 12 martial artists whose moves he uploaded #MagicSunglasses
And, presumably, you have to be a fairly decent martial artist before putting the sunglasses on to get full effect #MagicSunglasses
In fact, seriously, Donovan, wtf? How is this plan going to make you rich? #MagicSunglasses
It seems no-one in this movie has ever heard of peer-to-peer networks. #MagicSunglasses
Hey, look, a ladder fight over a long drop. They're going back to the well of kung fu cliches #MagicSunglasses
NOOOOO! THE SUNGLASSES! #MagicSunglasses
The lesson of this film: if you invest in #MagicSunglasses that make you unstoppable, get one of those bands that keeps them on.
Six person synchronized swandive off an exploding building at the climax #MagicSunglasses
And that's DOA - one of the greatest bad films ever. Thanks for sharing that twitter #MagicSunglasses
Flatmate: That's the best thing Eric Roberts has ever done. #MagicSunglasses