Tonight's #TrashyTuesdayMovie: Kull the Conqueror. Kevin Sorbo. Tia Carrere. SO MUCH AWFUL. #ByThisAxe
And so we start as all fantasy films should: WITH FUCKING HAIRMETAL #ByThisAxe
The cast of this movie would make a perfectly acceptable Def Leapard video in the 80's. #ByThisAxe
No-one seems to notice the barbarian fighting the king for No Apparent Reason #ByThisAxe
Stupidest line of succession ever #ByThisAxe
10 minutes from Barbarian to winning a kingdom. They don't fuck around with pace in this #ByThisAxe
Unfortunately Kevin Sorbo is yet to punch out a camel. #ByThisAxe
Kull, in a harem, is still less of a dick than the Beastmaster #ByThisAxe
Flatmate: "Has Tia Carrere ever been in anything good?" Me: Ummmm #ByThisAxe
Stupid dissidents. King Kull is unstoppable. #ByThisAxe
Oh, look, ugly people. They must be evil. #EyeRoll #BadFantasyCliches #ByThisAxe
There's plot shit happening. We've stopped paying attention, 'cause honestly, it's pretty shit #ByThisAxe
hey, look, Tia Carrere's coming back form the dead. Sadly, her career will not do the same #ByThisAxe
Isn't it always the way? You kill a mad king, inherit his crown, and marry yourself off to a demon #ByThisAxe
Flatmate: This is one of the least erotic sex scenes ever #ByThisAxe
He's right. It never even occurred to me that the scene was supposed to be erotic, rather than comical #ByThisaxe
Flimsy plot is flimsy #ByThisAxe
Okay, I'm confused. Why isn't Conan dead? #ByThisAxe
Fantasy rule #12: priests only exist to be expository and shit #ByThisAxe
Conan punches out a camel; Kull get peed on by one. #ByThisAxe
I'm not entirely sure which film is worse: Kull or Conan the Destroyer #ByThisAxe
The soundtrack to this film is schizophrenic. Also, very bad. #ByTHisAxe
There is so much hair metal in this film, it's like it's tailor made for @jasonifischerio #ByThisAxe
Flatmate: I like that a major part of this plot only functions because the villain thinks with her vagina. #ByThisAxe
Tia Carrere hides her evil by dressing in a sparkly black dress that exposes her cleavage #Subtle #ByThisAxe
I've altered our pact. Pray I do not alter it further. #ByThisAxe #NotSoOriginalReally
For a moment there this film forgot it was a cheap clone of Conan and became a cheap clone of Empire #ByThisAxe
Apparently, if you're demonically horny, you can live for thousands of years #ByThisAct
Harvey Fierstein should be in more fantasy films. He's currently the best part of this one #ByThisAxe
What have you done with Zarenta? OH GOD, THEY'VE PUT HER IN A HAT #ByThisAxe
IT'S BROAD-BRIMMED, AND BLUE, AND MADE OF STRAW #ByThisAxe
Is it still infidelity when you sleep with someone else while your demon-bride still lives? #ByThisAxe
Blah blah god blah blah plot blah blah fight scene. #ByThisAxe
Anyone else find the breath of Vulka slightly anti-climactic? #ByThisAxe
For gods sake, Kull, PICK UP AN AXE ALREADY #ByThisAxe
Hey look, an eclipse. I wonder if something cult-like is going to happen? #ByThisAxe
Barbarians. Always too good to use the damn stairs #ByThisAxe
Worst evil sorcerer death ever #ByThisAxe
Well, that's...over. #ByThisAxe
Flatmate: wow. That was much worse than I remember #ByThisAxe
And just in case you missed it, some more hair-metal #ByThisAxe